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Tiny Buddha published an essay by psychotherapist Steve Hauptman about the limits of trying to manage every priority at once. Using a Rubik’s Cube as a metaphor, he argues that choices involve trade-offs and that an untidy part of life does not automatically mean failure. The piece is personal reflection, not a reported study or new clinical guidance.
Tiny Buddha published an essay by psychotherapist Steve Hauptman about accepting that people cannot meet every competing demand at once. Through a Rubik’s Cube metaphor and accounts from his own life, Hauptman argues that choosing one priority often means setting another aside, and that this need not be treated as proof of personal failure.
Hauptman opens with a speed-cuber who could solve a Rubik’s Cube in about a minute. The skill made him jealous, he writes, because his own life felt like an unsolvable puzzle: efforts to get one area in order seemed to leave other areas out of balance. He describes recurring choices between work and household tasks, family time and writing, social plans and weight goals, or professional reading and leisure.
The essay frames these conflicts as trade-offs rather than evidence of failure. Hauptman says a productive writing day may leave chores undone, while a day spent on chores may mean the book does not get written. He describes this as a reminder that “inside every ‘yes’ there’s a ‘no.’” The observation is his personal interpretation, not a finding from a study cited in the piece.
Hauptman also recounts going to an emergency room after a routine physical produced a heart-test result his doctor said could suggest a transient ischemic attack, or TIA. He says he felt well while waiting for tests, but had to cancel six client sessions, reassure his wife and wait for information. Instead of responding with anger or worry, he took a nap. The essay does not provide the test results or a medical diagnosis.
The Cost of Trying to Do It All
The essay addresses a common pressure: the expectation that work, relationships, health, rest and personal goals can all be kept in order at the same time. Hauptman’s point is that time and attention are limited, so pursuing one aim can leave another unattended. Readers may find the framing useful as a way to distinguish a genuine lapse from a choice made among competing demands.
Hauptman connects the urge to control outcomes with examples involving addiction, work and family relationships, and hiding difficult feelings. Those examples illustrate his perspective; the article does not establish that control-seeking causes these outcomes in general. Its central suggestion is narrower: recognizing costs attached to choices may make it easier to stop treating every unresolved task as a personal defeat.
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Hauptman’s Rubik’s Cube Metaphor
Hauptman identifies himself as a psychotherapist and describes himself as a “control addict,” using the phrase to mean a desire to make circumstances, other people and outcomes fit one’s expectations. He presents three paradoxes he has drawn from years of thinking about control: needing more control can leave a person feeling less in control; trying to control other people can prompt resistance; and gaining control in one area can require giving it up elsewhere.
The essay is part of Hauptman’s broader writing on control and relationships. The source describes him as the author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015, with a revised edition described as forthcoming. The supplied report does not give a date for the essay or further details about that edition.
““Inside every ‘yes’ there’s a ‘no.’””
— Steve Hauptman, writing in Tiny Buddha
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What the Essay Does Not Establish
The article is a first-person reflection, not a clinical report or a study testing whether accepting trade-offs improves wellbeing. It does not offer evidence that the patterns Hauptman describes apply to everyone, nor does it set out a treatment approach. His examples are illustrations of his argument and should not be read as medical conclusions.
The outcome of the hospital tests in Hauptman’s account is not stated. The source also does not specify the essay’s publication date or provide a confirmed release date for the revised edition of his book.
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The Takeaway for Daily Choices
The essay’s practical endpoint is a change in how readers might interpret unfinished tasks: an untidy room or a delayed project may reflect a choice about where time went, rather than proof that life has been mismanaged. Hauptman describes becoming more willing to accept that cost without protest, while acknowledging that he still wishes he could keep every side of the metaphorical cube in order.
No additional reporting, follow-up announcement or next publication date is included in the source material. The immediate takeaway remains the essay’s own: recognize the trade-offs involved in a decision and avoid assuming that every unmet expectation means failure.
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Key Questions
What is Steve Hauptman’s essay about?
It is a personal reflection on control and competing priorities. Hauptman argues that people cannot attend to every goal at once and that accepting trade-offs may be less punishing than treating them as failures.
What does the Rubik’s Cube represent?
It represents Hauptman’s feeling that getting one part of life in order can leave other parts unsettled. He uses the image to explain why he once saw competing demands as an unsolvable puzzle.
Does the article present clinical research?
No. The piece is a first-person essay, not a research study or clinical guideline. Its claims about control and trade-offs are Hauptman’s reflections and examples.
What happened during Hauptman’s hospital visit?
He says a heart test during a routine physical showed a blip that his doctor said could suggest a TIA, so the doctor directed him to an emergency room. Hauptman reports waiting for tests and taking a nap, but the essay does not state the test results or a diagnosis.
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